Wrestling With God And Religion

Having grown up in the church, I've been taught what God expects of me. Don't get me wrong, I love our spirit-filled church. It's been a place where I grew to love the Lord and freely worshipped. However, somewhere along the way I interpreted that my relationship with the Lord was built on striving and doing. I wanted more, that meant I had to do more, and it never seemed like it was enough.

I remember when I was a high schooler and each week going to church Sunday morning, Sunday school class, Sunday night church, small group after Sunday night church, and again on Wednesday. I loved the community and what I learned. Each service had a great teaching with a challenge associated with it. The problem is that the culmination of all those challenges got to me. One day I finally waved the white flag. I couldn't do it anymore. I was still working on the challenge from 3 weeks ago and since have had almost a dozen more challenges pass my way. I knew God too well to know that He wouldn't and couldn't expect that much out of me. This was the first time I challenged (wrestled with) what I thought I was being "taught". I decided God's grace and love trumps religion.

This leads me to the purpose of this blog, which is to seek and know the one true God and His Truth. Since I grew up in the church, one of the ways I do this is by wrestling with what I've been taught about God and how religion was modeled for me. In addition, I wrestle with my own ideas of who I think God is and what I think He should do. All in all, my desire is to know the one true God more deeply and to allow His Truth to change me. Just like in my high school story where I found the grace of God to cover the parts of me that were still a work in progress, my goal is to really know the heart of God, and how it can change me to be more like him.

One story in the Bible that exemplifies this is found in Genesis 32:22-30 where Jacob wrestles with God. On the surface it's kind of an odd story where Jacob would not quit fighting God all through the night until God wrenched his hip out of its socket. Then God gave Jacob a new name, Israel, and he walked with a limp after that. As I wrestle with God, I often notice I too have a limp. As He changes me and my way of thinking, the well worn path of my old way of thinking and doing things sometimes comes up. With one step I'm walking in step with the Lord and the next step I'm limping. God in his kindness (Romans 2:4) shows me that limp, so that I can again walk in step with him. If I don't take the time to wrestle with God and observe how I limp, I won't be able to experience the fullness of God and all He has for me.

In what ways are you wrestling with God and challenging what you've been "taught" or your own ideas? How do you respond to the limp you have when you walk a step with the Lord and the next step in your old way of thinking? Come join me on my journey as I wrestle, limp, and learn from the Lord. My hope is that the Holy Spirit will speak to you as well as you're on your own journey with Jesus.